It's no use worrying about Time

: theamazinglaura; October 22nd, 16:11

Current Music:: "Spinning"- Jack's Mannequin

I have a new blog. http://thehookahsmokingcaterpillar.blogspot.com. It's more on the creative end of things, although I just wrote a small rant about not being able to find a job. Aaron, aka Freddie Fame, is going to contribute to this blog, also. But keep checking good ol' LiveJournal, becuase this will still be my personal blog.

Didn't get the job at my brother's company. That's ok. Still checking out options, better options I think. Thinking about becoming a tutor. I think I'd be better at it and will enjoy it more.

"Now I have finally accepted we will never stand in the same room"- NFG

: theamazinglaura; October 18th, 14:33

It's been a week and a half since my grandma passed away. It's been rough, but I know she wanted to go at the end, and I guess that makes it easier.

"Boston has always been a city that's been about the courage to change"

: theamazinglaura; September 23rd, 1:29

Reader's Digest/Cliff Notes/Spark Notes version of Boston trip:

Discovered the Memphis Airport is amazing...anyone want to take a trip to Memphis with me just so I can go through the airport again?
I completely fell in love with UMass Boston. The program is awesome, and everyone I talked to there was super awesome as well.
I forgot how much I love riding the T. I know most people don't really care for public transportation, but I like it. Weird, I know.
Saw an amazing duo of street musicians in Boston Common, girl played ukele, guy played guitar/bongos, both sang. I sat and listened to them for about 20 minutes. They played "Womanizer" and then asked if I had any requests. I asked for more Britney, and got "Hit Me Baby One More Time." Looking back, I should have asked for some Lady Gaga. But they were super nice, they invited me to a show they had that night at a bar (I didn't make it) and I gave them a few bucks.
Got to see Erin, and her place out in Brighton. It's a crazy long T ride, but her place totally rocks. Typical New England neighborhood, and I love it.
Checked out Emerson. Liked it, but not as much as UMass, even if Erin does go there.
Pretty much just wandered around the city a lot. Ate delish clam chowder at Durgin Park (still couldn't make it to the No Name), grabbed a beer at the Lir (I hate saying that because it rhymes and doesn't sound right), walked around Copley (love it) and bought way more Red Sox things than is necessary.
Went to King Richard's Faire (a medieval fest) with Trish. It was awesome. I'm a nerd, so I love that kind of stuff. It was made better by the fact that I got to see a real liger. And not just any liger. The largest liger in the world (this thing was fucking huge).

"Right now we're in Boston, in love with Downtown Crossing"-Dresden Dolls

: theamazinglaura; September 14th, 0:33

I'm leaving for Boston in exactly 12 hours, to look at grad schools. I have an appointment with the MFA program director at UMass Boston, and I'm doing a campus tour/visit at Emerson. I'm so excited I think I might puke.

A Fine Frenzy's new album "Bomb in a Birdcage" is the new jam.

"Well I never want to see you unhappy/ I thought you'd want the same for me"- A Fine Frenzy

: theamazinglaura; September 7th, 1:57

I keep having really vivid dreams (which is weird, because I used to hardly ever have really vivid dreams) but when I wake up I can only grasp a little bit before all but the faintest outline of the dream disappears.

It's official, I'm going to try to get a job with my brother. I don't look at it as selling my soul to the devil, I look at it as a rental. I will get my soul back.

But before I get said job, I want/need to go up to Boston to look at schools. I don't think it's a very good idea to go to a school before checking it out live and in person, you know? So I'm going to email my brother my resume (and he will then, in his own words, harrass some people) and while all that's going on, I'll fly to Boston to get some shit done. This will not be a vacation, although you can bet your bottom dollar I'll be stopping in at the Lir for a drink or two. I may be there as soon as next week.

Yes, it will be hard to get on the plane to get my ass back to Jax. I hear the weather in Boston is amazing right now.

You gotta swim, and swim for your life

: theamazinglaura; September 1st, 13:37

I just interviewed at Barnes and Noble. Even if I get it, I don't think I'm going to take it. The pay is next to nothing, and they're only hiring seasonal workers, so I'd have to be the best worker ever to get them to hire me on after the holidays. I think I'm just going to suck it up and work for my brother. It's good pay. And I need to save for Boston, and grad school.

After my interview Tori and I went down to the office to pay our rent. It was raining really hard, and I was still in my interview clothes (minus the shoes...because going barefoot is my favorite thing to do). Tori suggested we jump in the pool, since we were soaked anyway. So jump in the pool we did, fully clothed, me in actual nice clothes. It was very childish in a bizarrely adult way, and one of the best things I've done in a while. It was liberating in an odd sort of way. I loved it.

Have you any dreams you'd like to sell?

: theamazinglaura; September 1st, 1:13

I had a dream last night about my grandmother's funeral.

Everyone was there, including all my friends who have never met her.

My way, we lose with books

: theamazinglaura; August 29th, 23:52

I've been in this mood lately where all I want to do it lay in bed and read. Which is fine. I love books (and actually had to tell Tori in Barnes and Noble today to not let me leave with any, I have way too many to read as it is), and I think that spending time alone is good for the soul. Sometimes it's hard with two roommates and a front door that seems to revolve constantly, letting everyone and anyone in (which is also fine, I love my friends). I think that most of the time everyone else thinks I'm being anti-social, but I'm not...I just want to read. So now everyone is out at a friend of Tori's place, and I'm home alone (yes, on a Saturday night) and it's nice and quiet and once I finish writing this, you'd best believe I'm getting in bed and finishing up "Everything is Illuminated" (if you're wondering, it's a really good book, and you should read it). I don't feel bad staying home alone on a Saturday night while all my friends party. I don't feel like a loser, and I really don't feel like I'm missing out on all that much. Party tonight? No thanks, there'll be another one, really soon, and probably at my place.

I've also decided I'm going to apply to grad schools in Boston, since I'm moving up there next July anyway. It feels weird that everyone else has started school and I don't have to go. It's bizarre. Call me crazy, but I actually enjoy school. I love learning, reading books, and surrounding myself with people who are all passionate about the same things that I am. So right now I'm looking at UMass Boston, Emerson, Boston University, Boston College, UMass Amherst (where my mom went!) and Northeastern (where my dad went!). Actually, I've pretty much decided Northeastern is out. It's a great school, but the program has some crazy requirements that I don't really feel like dealing with. I'm leaning towards UMass Boston or BU, or Emerson if I decide to pursue creative writing and not Literature. Which is a whole other dilemma. Do I want to major in Literature (which my BA is in) or creative writing? I think I would enjoy the creative writing track more, but Lit would be more useful in the long run. But then again, life should be all about what you enjoy, right? I know I would enjoy either one, so I guess it's all about figuring out what would suit me more at this point in my life, and what would best help me get to where I want to be.

I feel like I'm in limbo right now, sort of waiting for my life to begin. I graduated college, but my roommates are still going, and (aside from Kevin) I'm the oldest person in our group of friends. Sometimes I feel like the old lady (hence why I'm in on a Saturday night while everyone else is out partying) or the den mother, or some weird cross between the two. I feel like once I get to Boston, things'll really kick into gear. This is a transition period, where I learn to not be in school (just in case I don't get in to grad school) and live on my own, completely independent of my parents. I don't feel like I'm wasting my time in Jax. I think, in the long run, it'll be good for me, even though there are moments where I want to be in Boston so intensely it's insane. But I have to remind myself that it's all in good time, that I'll get there soon enough, it's not even a year.

Them chickens jacking my style

: theamazinglaura; August 14th, 14:42

Last night was a little crazy. Take the Pearl, add drama from multiple people, add one phonecall to me and one text to Tori, and what do you get? Heart to heart talks about who I shouldn't be friends with anymore (but fuck that, I'm the only one who gets to decide when I don't want to be friends with someone) and how some people just aren't worth the time we give them, how we know this and continue to give it to them anyway.

sometimes

: theamazinglaura; August 12th, 0:59

Current Music:: "Don't Let Her Pull You Down"- New Found Glory

I think I'm severely messed up in the head.

I was told today

: theamazinglaura; August 11th, 23:37

Current Music:: "Intermission"- Unsung Zeros

by my mother that I can't spend my whole life reading Harry Potter and going to the movies, and that I need to get a job. I suppose she's right.

She said planes made her feel like she could get away

: theamazinglaura; August 9th, 18:20

Looking up flights to Boston. The more I think about it, the more I have to get out of here. However, I'm seriously afraid that if I go, I won't come back.

I'm just second hand news

: theamazinglaura; August 7th, 14:28

"When times go bad
When times go rough
Won't you lay me down in the tall grass
And let me do my stuff?"
-Fleetwood Mac, "Second Hand News"

Me and Ellie got in a massive fight Wednesday night. I take too much shit. I know this. I get pissed off and feel useless/not needed/not appreciated/walked on more than a doormat, and I sit there and take it. I'll stand up for myself in the heat of the moment (usually, anyway) but then I lose my nerve after the fact and things go right back to the way they were, and because of this, it is the way things will probably always be. I hate fighting with people, and I hate losing friends, and because of this, I let myself get treated like shit. Maybe I need to grow a spine. But there is something about Ellie (this is really weird, Ellie, because I'm about 99% sure you're going to read this) that I cannot give up on. I don't know what it is, exactly. Maybe it's because she reminds me so much of Kylie, in both her good and bad qualities. Maybe it's because, aside from Kylie, she's the one person on earth I feel absolutely comfortable saying anything around, and because of this knows more about me than any other person on earth. Ellie, for a bad friend, you're a pretty damn good friend.

Finally

: theamazinglaura; July 31st, 16:27

Current Music:: "Where My Mouth Is"- Taking Back Sunday

Writing (well, rewriting) and it feels so good. When my writing life is going well, I feel so much better about everything else.

I've heard it said

: theamazinglaura; July 30th, 13:12

that you don't regret the things you do, you only regret the things you don't do. As I was lying in bed last night, trying to fall asleep, thinking the usual thoughts about the usual people, I realized-- it's so incredibly true.

"Generally my generation wouldn't be caught dead working for the man"- Ani DiFranco

: theamazinglaura; July 27th, 13:11

Tori, Aaron, Audrey and I stayed up until three in the morning (Witching Hour!) watching the entire first season of "Ghost Hunters." Now I want to be a ghost hunter. I haven't come across that job on monster.com. Not that I've really found any jobs on monster.com, or anywhere else for that matter. It pretty much comes down to this-- no one in Jacksonville is hiring. So it's looking more and more like I'll have to just suck it up and work for my brother. "Generally my generation wouldn't be caught dead working for the man, and generally I agree with them, trouble is you gotta have yourself an alternate plan" so says Ani DiFranco. And I guess she's right. I spent four years in college, "bettering" myself and getting this thing called a "degree" which is supposed to help me get a job, and it's not. I know it's not just me. I know the economy's in the toilet and everyone is having a hard time finding a job. So maybe I should take this job my brother's offering me, run with it and be happy (or, at least, make enough money to pretend to be happy, while working 9-5 Monday-Friday in a cubicle, pretending I care).

remember

: theamazinglaura; July 25th, 19:08

"If you don't know what you're missing, because you don't know where to start, follow your wishing heart"- Lisa Loeb

Writers are those people for whom writing is hardest

: theamazinglaura; July 22nd, 22:58

I haven't been writing lately. (And by lately, I mean, since graduation.) I feel so uninspired. Every time I think about writing, I find I'm not in the mood. Yes, I know writers should write even when they're not "in the mood." I know the way to get through writer's block is to accept temporary suckage and just plow ahead, because eventually things'll start to look up. But I cannot physically make myself sit down and write. At least not yet. I know I'll get over it. I always do. That being said...

When I'm not writing (even if it's nothing more than a poem here or there) I'm pretty generally unhappy in the rest of my life. It's oddly connected (or maybe not so oddly, who knows). I'm stressing about finding a job while simultaneously trying to figure out a way to take a year off (haven't come up with any ideas...anyone have any?). I think about being in Boston so much I'm pretty sure it's unhealthy. I feel stuck, even though I thought I'd gotten past that point. I've been plowing through the Harry Potter books (two books in three days and counting) because reading is a great way to escape (and really, is there a more fantastical world than Harry Potter?) but it's only a temporary fix.

I know that in order to change the exterior things in your life for the better, you have to first change the interior.

"I'm not giving in/ I swim"- Jack's Mannequin

: theamazinglaura; July 21st, 21:11

Back in Jax. Apartment/roommates are awesome. It's good to be back with (most of) the gang.

Erin got into Emerson, and she told me two days after I moved back. I went through a roller coaster of emotions in like 10 minutes. First, I was super excited for her. I mean, she's going to an amazing school in an amazing city, and she's absolutely going to have the time of her life. Second, I was mad at myself for making the hasty decision to move back to Jax without waiting to see if Erin got in, because it took away the option of me moving up there with her. Third, I was okay with my decision, because later that night everyone came over, we had a party, and I remembered why I love everyone in Jax.

That being said, I'm happy here, but I still think about Boston about 50% of the day. It's getting ridiculous. It's not that I don't like being in Jax, but something isn't sitting well with me. I can't really explain it. It's like my subconscious is saying "Laura, look, you graduated, awesome, but you're still not doing everything you could be- instead, you're sitting on your ass in Jacksonville." But this is the plan. The lease on our apartment is up July 4, 2010. After that, it's goodbye Florida, hello Boston. For real this time. I can't take another year of constantly thinking about Boston, constantly thinking about everything I could be doing up there, both personally and professionally. Because I really do think about it more than is probably healthy.

Love it

: theamazinglaura; July 3rd, 22:19

"Laughter's the taste of my surviving."-Only Revolutions

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